a cycle depleted

i don’t want to go to sleep. it’s officially 1:34 a.m. est, and things make sense. as i previously stated, i don’t want to go to sleep.

you may think you comprehend the cycling of a bipolar person. there are , however, intricacies of existential reality that somehow get lost in translation.

i don’t want to go to sleep. it’s officially 1:36 a.m. est, and things still make sense. i feel calm, motivated. i understand the steps i need to take to complete my goals. as i previously stated, i don’t want to go to sleep.

the mood issue, i think everyone can agree upon. it’s not that difficult to picture the subtle hues and outright contrasts that may happen in the course of a bipolar cycling. while somewhat skewed by popular media, at least a grasp can be obtained of the peculiarities of mania and depression. that doesn’t help me right now.

i don’t want to go to sleep. it’s officially 1:40 a.m. est, and things still make sense. i feel calm, motivated. i understand the steps i need to take to complete my goals. i see the sacrifices and the simple, enduring pace i must assume. it is a logical, reasonable stance, and i can see how i can carry it through. i can see how to complete my books and games. more importantly, i feel the focus i need to complete all of this. as i previously stated, i don’t want to go to sleep.

because i will wake up tomorrow and the focus will be gone. i will have scattered images and phrases about the books and games. i will be scatterbrained and aloof. i will not remember anything i am thinking right now, and anything i write down now will be hieroglyphs tomorrow.

i will wake up tomorrow with nothing. when you look into my eyes, see a universe of activity. see the depths of heaven and hell, trapped, or rather suspended, by a faulty timing belt.

so, as i previously stated, i don’t want to go to sleep. i think you can forgive a few more spare moments as a fully functioning consciousness.

i who have nothing.